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Theme song from the movie Rudy.
Our Life as we know it
The first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes
in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to
be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like
the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves
and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said:
'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years... How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed
again.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But the human
said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God,
'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we
eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves ... For the next
forty years we slave in the sun to support our family .... For the next ten years we
do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren ... And for the last ten years we
sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life
has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public
service.
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One more and betting you didn't know this! in the heyday of sailing
ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary
to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage
method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.
Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how
to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate
called a 'Monkey' with 16 round indentations.
However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution
to the rusting problem was to make 'Brass Monkeys.' Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts
much more and much faster than iron when chilled.
Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron
cannonballs would come right off the monkey Thus, it was quite literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the
balls off a brass monkey.' (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression,
didn't you.)
In the late 1700's, Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards
but only applicable to the 'Ace of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since
most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full
deck.' ******* In George Washington's
days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed
him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged
by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs
are 'limbs,' therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and
a leg.' (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint) ******* As incredible as it sounds,
men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because
of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean
them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make
the wig big and fluffy, hence the term 'big wig.' Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big Wig' because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
******* In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair.
Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in
the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit
in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting
in the chair the 'chair man.' Today in business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman' or
'Chairman of the Board..' *******
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars
by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were
speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, 'mind your
own bee's wax.' Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term 'crack a smile'. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . Therefore, the expression
'losing face.' *******
Ladies wore corsets, which
would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in 'straight laced'. .Wore a tightly tied lace. *******
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